關係
我們總是如此快速就對一個人產生了一個觀念，給他們下結論。給另一個人貼標籤、給他們一個概念性的身份，或是宣告對他們公正的評判，這些總是可以令小我的頭腦感到滿足。
每一個人思考和行為的方式都在某種程度上被制約了 – 他們受限於遺傳基因、童年的經歷和文化環境。
這不是他們的本質，而只是他們看上去的樣子。當你對某個人施以道德評判，你將那些受到制約的頭腦與真正的他們混淆了。這樣做本身就是一個深深地受限的、無意識的模式。你給他們施加了一個概念性的身份，而那個錯誤的身份成為一個牢籠，囚禁了他們，也囚禁了你自己。
要放下評判不是說你看不見他們所做的。而是指你將他們的行為看作是一個受制約的外在形式，你看見它、接納它如它所是。你沒有為那個人建構一個身份。
這就將你和那一個人從對條件、外在形式、頭腦的認同之中解放出來。小我不再掌控你的關係。
∞
只要小我在掌控著你的生命，你大多數的思想、情緒、行為都來自於慾望和恐懼。這樣一來，在關係中，你要不就是索取對方的什麼東西，要不就是害怕對方的什麼東西。
你想從他們那裡得到的也許是快樂，或是物質上的滿足，或是認可、贊賞、關注，又或者是通過比較、通過確定你比別人懂得多、比別人擁有得多來獲得一種自我感的強化。而你害怕的是情況也許正相反，你害怕他們在某些方面可能會損及你的自我感。
當你將注意力聚焦於當下 – 而不是把當下看做達到目標的手段 – 你就超越了小我，超越了不由自主地想利用別人達到目標，犧牲別人強化自己的無意識的衝動。當你全神貫注與任何一個與你互動的人，你將過去與未來擯棄在這關係之外，除非是為了處理實際問題。當你全然臨在地與每一個你遇到的人互動，你拋棄了那個你曾經給他們下的定義 – 那個關於他們是誰和他們曾經做過什麼的你的解讀 – 你能夠不帶任何小我的慾望與恐懼與他們互動。注意力，也就是警覺的寧靜，是關鍵所在。
能夠在你的關係裡超越慾望與恐懼是多麼棒的一件事。愛不需要也不害怕任何事。
∞
如果她的過去就是你的過去，她的痛苦就是你的痛苦，她的意識水平就是你的意識水平，你會和她一模一樣地思考和行動。意識到這一點，寬恕、慈悲、安詳就會隨之而來。
小我可不愛聽這些，因為一旦它無法再起反應，不再正確，它將失去力量。
∞
當你接納任何一個進入當下的空間的人為你的貴人，當你允許每一個人都如其所是，他們就開始改變了。
∞
Relationships
How quick we are to form an opinion of a person, to come to a conclusion about them. It is satisfying to the egoic mind to label another human being, to give them a conceptual identity, to pronounce righteous judgment upon them.
Every human being has been conditioned to think and behave in certain ways–conditioned genetically as well as by their childhood experiences and their cultural environment.
That is not who they are, but that is who they appear to be. When you pronounce judgment upon someone, you confuse those conditioned mind patterns with who they are. To do that is in itself a deeply conditioned and unconscious pattern. You give them a conceptual identity, and that false identity becomes a prison not only for the other person but also for yourself.
To let go of judgment does not mean that you don’t see what they do. It means that you recognize their behavior as a form of conditioning, and you see it and accept it as that. You don’t construct an identity out of it for that person.
That liberates you as well as the other person from identification with conditioning, with form, with mind. The ego then no longer runs your relationships.
∞
As long as the ego runs your life, most of your thoughts, emotions, and actions arise from desire and fear. In relationships you then either want or fear something from the other person.
What you want from them may be pleasure or material gain, recognition, praise or attention, or a strengthening of your sense of self through comparison and through establishing that you are, have, or know more than they. What you fear is that the opposite may be the case, and they may diminish your sense of self in some way.
When you make the present moment the focal point of your attention–instead of using it as a means to an end–you go beyond the ego and beyond the unconscious compulsion to use people as a means to an end, the end being self-enhancement at the cost of others. When you give your fullest attention to whoever you are interacting with, you take past and future out of the relationship, except for practical matters. When you are fully present with everyone you meet, you relinquish the conceptual identity you made for them–your interpretation of who they are and what they did in the past–and are able to interact without the egoic movements of desire and fear. Attention, which is alert stillness, is the key.
How wonderful to go beyond wanting and fearing in your relationships. Love does not want or fear anything.
∞
If her past were your past, her pain your pain, her level of consciousness your level of consciousness, you would think and act exactly as she does. With this realization comes forgiveness, compassion, peace.
The ego doesn’t like to hear this, because if it cannot be reactive and righteous anymore, it will lose strength.
∞
When you receive whoever comes into the space of Now as a noble guest, when you allow each person to be as they are, they begin to change.
∞
