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埃克哈特談個人的愛
問：如果我們是一體的，為什麼我們還會被某些人所吸引，對他們有一種被稱為“個人的愛”的感情？
埃克哈特：真正的愛是超越一切的。如果你無法發現在你之內的無形，你就沒有那真正超越一切的愛。如果你無法發現在你之內的無形，你也就無法發現在他人之內的無形。在本質上認出他人即你自己 – 而不是外在形式 – 就是真正的愛。只要那個受限的頭腦還在運作，而你完全與之認同，就沒有真正的愛。也許會有些替代品存在，那些被稱作是“愛”的東西，但它們不是真正的愛。舉個例子，“墜入情網”……可能我們大多數人都經歷過。也許這一刻，一個人，或者兩個人一起“在愛之中”，而那些墜入過情網的人也經歷過“離開情網”。
我們要記得去瞭解真正的愛與那所謂的愛的各種外在形式之間的區別。在相對的層面，我們作為形式存在，而在絕對的層面，我們是無形的意識。人類(human being)包含兩個層面：人(human)和存在(being)。人(human)是外在形式，而存在(being)是那個無形的、永恆的意識本身。有時，一個人會親近其他人。原因可能有很多。一個人從那個被稱為你的母親的形體之中誕生，這樣這個形體就與那個形體有了一種親密感。你對你的母親有一種愛，它也許被稱為“個人的”。這種對他人有親密感的另一種表現是男女之間的。你可能會對另一個身體感到性的吸引，有時它也被稱為“愛”。特別是當性行為被長久遏制的時候，它很可能發展成為偏執的愛……非常強烈，所以，在一些文化中，如果結婚前你不可以有性行為，墜入愛河也許會是很大的一件事，甚至可能導致自殺。人們很自然地會感到被異性吸引，男性/女性正是形式的不完整。外在形式最主要的不完整就體現在你要麼是個男人，要麼是個女人。那個一 (The Oneness) 變成了男性/女性的二元分化。
朝向另一個人的驅動力是一種試圖通過相反的一極來找到整體、完整、滿足感的嘗試，是想要找到那個一的嘗試。對一的渴望成為這個互相吸引的基礎。這與外在形式相關，因為在形式的層面你不是一個整體 – 你是整體的一半。簡單來說，人類整體的一半是男人，一半是女人。
你對別人具有吸引力，也許是因為他想在自身尋找可以與你內在某種特質共鳴的相同的特質。或者，如果不是共鳴，也許是那個令你感到被吸引的相反的特質。如果你是一個非常平靜的人，也許你會被一個充滿戲劇性的人所吸引，或者反之。再一次同樣地，你是在渴望某種完整。你對另一個人升起一種親近感，這可以被稱為“個人的愛”。如果個人的愛僅限於此，那麼那個超越一切的無形的層面就被忽略了 – 而真愛恰恰是在這無形的層面升起的。這無形的層面是不是個人的愛的一部分呢，還是說這個屬於個人的層面就已經是全部了呢？對這個問題的回答決定了這所謂的“愛”是否最終將變成痛苦和挫折，抑或是得到深化。
也許兩個人之間最初的吸引力是關於性的。如果他們開始一起生活，性的吸引力無法一直持續，它無法令你從這段關係中得到持久的滿足。到了某個點，性的或是情感的吸引力需要被深化，那個超越一切的層面需要在一定程度上加入進來，從而能夠令深化發生。然後，真愛就經由個人的愛而閃耀出來。重要的是，真愛，是自你真正所是的那個永恆的、超越形式的層面散發出來的。這真愛是否正穿越那個只喜愛外在形式的個人的愛而閃耀出來？如果不是這樣，那麼它就是與形式完全認同了，而與形式完全認同的就是小我。
你也許很多次都這樣想“就是它了！”，然後你們生活在一起一段時間之後，你發現“這是一個錯誤”，或者“我真是鬼迷心竅了”。甚至，在特別固著於形式層面的親子關係中，如果那超越一切的層面未能閃耀出來，孩子與父母之間的愛最終也會變成其他的東西。這就是為什麼很多人都與父母有著問題重重的關係。
有些關係一開始純粹建立在形式之上，然後，過了一段時間另一個層面進入了。也許那得是在遇到很多問題之後，也許你們幾乎要決裂了，這時突然發生了一個深化，然後，你才能夠將空間帶入你們的關係。
關鍵就是，問自己：“在這段關係中，是否有空間存在？”還是只有一堆想法和情緒？如果你與一個人住在一起，而你們只不過有一堆想法和情緒，那你們是生活在一個可怕的監獄裡。有時你們覺得尚可，但是爭吵、衝突常常發生。
我們需要認識到屬於個人的相互吸引確實存在。但是它們本身無法令人感到終極的滿足。在更多的情況下，這些相互吸引其實是痛苦的源頭。當那超越一切的層面缺失的時候，愛反而成了痛苦的源頭。那這超越一切的該如何進入呢？通過當你和另一個人在一起的時候，讓自己成為空間這種方式。它本質上的意思就是，當你看著對方的時候，在你的內在連接上那個寧靜。
沒有頭腦的噪音，沒有情緒的波動。這並不是說不能有情緒或是念頭，而是說在這關係中有一些其它的東西存在。這不僅僅適用於親密關係，也適用於工作之中的一些比較粗淺的關係。
對任何人類的關係來說，問題就是，“是否有空間存在？”這是一個指示牌。空間就是想法變得不重要了 – 甚至情緒也變得不重要了。
當人們住在一起，有時，在日常生活之中，因為有那麼多瑣碎的事情要做，你不再注意到身邊這個人。當你早晨醒來，是否有那麼一刻，你注意到身邊這個人的存在？
如果你可以作為空間與另一個人在一起，而不是作為一個人，這就是世上最美好的事情。就在當下這一刻，你可以作為一個人存在，或者，你也可以選擇作為那個空間存在。
Eckhart on Personal Love
Q: If we’re all one, why do we feel drawn toward certain individuals in an expression of “personal love”?
ET: True love is transcendental. Without recognition of the formless within yourself, there can be no true transcendental love. If you cannot recognize the formless in yourself, you cannot recognize yourself in the other. The recognition of the other as yourself in essence – not the form – is true love. As long as the conditioned mind operates and you are completely identified with it, there’s no true love. There may be substitutes, things that are called “love” but are not true love. For example, “falling in love”…perhaps most of us have experienced it. Maybe one or two at this moment are “in love”, and those who have experienced it have also experienced “falling out of love”.
We need to remember to understand [the difference between] true love and other forms of so-called love. We are in the relative as form, and in the absolute as formless consciousness. The two dimensions that the human being embodies are the ‘human’ and the ‘being’. The human is the form, the being is the formless, the timeless consciousness itself. It sometimes happens that the form has an affinity with other forms. It could happen for a number of reasons. One being that this form has come out of another form – called your mother – and so there is an affinity of this form with that other form. You have a love toward your mother that might be called ‘personal’. Another aspect of affinity with another form is male/female. You can be drawn to another body in a sexual way, and it’s sometimes called “love”. Especially if the sexual act is denied long enough, it’s more likely to develop into obsessive love…so much so, that in cultures where you could not have sex until you were married, falling in love could be a huge thing and could lead to suicide. Naturally, there is an affinity of the male/female, the incompleteness of this form. The primary incompleteness of this form is that you are either a man or a woman. The oneness has become the duality of male/female.
The pull towards the other is an attempt to find wholeness, completeness, fulfillment through the opposite polarity, in an attempt to find the Oneness. That lies at the basis of the attraction. It’s to do with form, because on the level of form you are not whole – you are one half of the whole. One half of humanity is male, one half is female, roughly.
You have the attraction for the other, then there may be finding certain qualities in another human being that resonate with certain qualities in yourself. Or, if they don’t resonate, it may be the opposite that you feel drawn to. If you are a very peaceful person, maybe you feel drawn toward a dramatic person, or vice-versa. And again, you are hoping for some completion there. You can have an affinity with another form, which can be called ‘personal love’. If personal love is all that there is, then what is missing is the transcendental dimension of the formless – which is where true love arises. Is that part of the personal love, or is the personal level all that there is? That determines whether that so-called “love” is going to turn into something painful eventually, and frustrating, or if there is a deepening.
There may be an attraction that is initially sexual between two humans. If they start living together, this cannot endure for that long and be the fulfillment of the relationship. At some point, sexual/emotional [attraction] needs to deepen and the transcendental dimension needs to come in, to some extent, for it to deepen. Then true love shines through the personal. The important thing is that true love emanates from the timeless, non-formal dimension of who you are. Is that shining through the personal love that is to do with affinity of forms? If it is not, there is complete identification with form, and complete identification with form is ego.
Many times you may think “that’s it!” and after living together for a little while you realize “that was a mistake”, or “I was completely deluded”. Even in parent-children relationships, which is a very close bond on the level of form, if the transcendental dimension does not shine through, eventually the love between children and parents turns into something else. This is why so many people have very problematic relationships with their parents.
Some relationships may start as purely form-based, and then the other dimension comes in after a while. Perhaps only after a lot of problems, and perhaps you get close to a breakup, when suddenly there is a deepening and then you are able to bring in space.
The key is to ask, “Is there space in this relationship?” Or are there only thoughts and emotions? It’s dreadful prison to inhabit if you live with a person and all you have are thoughts and emotions. Occasionally you are okay, but there is disagreement, friction.
We need to acknowledge that there are personal affinities. But in themselves, they are never ultimately fulfilling. More often than not, they are a source of suffering. Love becomes a source of suffering when the transcendental is missing. How does the transcendent come in? By being spacious with the other. Which essentially means that you access the Stillness in yourself while you look at the other.
Not mental noise, not emotional waves. That does not mean that there cannot be emotions or thoughts, but there is something else present in the relationship. That applies not only to close personal relationships, but also to more superficial relationships at work.
With any human relationship, the question is, “Is there space?” It’s a pointer. Space is when thought becomes unimportant – even an emotion becomes unimportant.
When people live together, sometimes the other is no longer acknowledged in daily life because there is so much to do. If you wake up in the morning, is there a moment when you acknowledge the presence of the other?
It’s the most wonderful thing if you can be there for the other as space, rather than as a person. At this very moment, you can either be here as a person, or you can be here as the space.
